midnight tears and all i want is sleep

for some reason i cant sleep. all i can think of is the horrible dream i had last night and all the good memories that ive had and how they all seem so unreal. the dream; found out i was hiv poz and flew back to california and cut my wrists right in front of my best friend. the meaning behind that? i have no fricken clue! (for the record im neg) the memories; good ones with lovers, and how i felt no pain and all the worries of the world were gone. reality check; im single, lonely and miss everyone.

its been a while..

 ...so here it goes. since my angered post of being cheated a happy childhood. living in pa is crazy for me. no family. all my really good friends living in ca and i have my best friends family as my own. i love them, the kids the dog and yes even sometimes the cat and the super crazy weather, 7 inches of snow in october. taking the kiddos to soccer and ballet, working full time and trying to date/have a social life... the job, BLERG as liz lemon would say. i hate it, its boring and i feel like i waste my days trying to sell furniture, thank god im not commission yet. dating life around here sucks, a lot of closeted men or ones that are in relationships with either their life long "partner" or best one girlfriend. so my dating life consists of me and well my hand. social life is interesting.. never really a dull moment with these new friends of mine.. what is really interesting i find is the love triangles. more awkwardness. one guy like another one but he is in a semi-relationship, not sure if its closed or open, then he is hitting one this one guy who likes this other guy... i swear i could write and produce amazing movies based on the things that happen in or around my life. that is a wrap. FIN.